I just got off the phone with my boss and I can barely breathe.   Speaking of which, I have a job in the writing business!  I just don’t know how much about my new job I’m allowed to talk about.  That’s how awesome it is.  I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that I’m the writing assistant for a team getting ready to pitch a pilot.  And that I’m wholly confident that their story is worth telling.  And that I feel like I’ve known them my whole life and they’re terrific people and I’m so thrilled they adopted me and I’m currently overwhelmed with how generous my boss is.

Apparently I have some magical power where I can trick people that I really like and really want to impress into liking me.  Their feedback on the spec episode of 30 Rock we wrote was incredible and gratifying and shot my confidence waaaay up.  To be told by writers that I’m in the right industry and that I’m way talented…well, I pretty much fell over myself thanking them.

So while this project is gearing up, I’m spending my days writing and reading like a madman.  Even though I’m already juggling five books right now, I started reading a Jules Verne novel in French to brush up on my favorite second language.  Sure, I could read it in Spanish, or resume my Farsi or German studies, but I’m not in the mood for any of those.  I’m totally shocked by how much I can understand in French.  Yeah, I took seven years of French classes, but I never use it, so I fully expected to be running to my dictionnaire on the regular.  Not so much!  Je suis la jeune fille!  I’m pretty sure that my brain is pre-wired to pick up languages fast like a freak.  I’ve always excelled in my foreign language classes.  Maybe it’s because when I was a baby I only spoke Farsi and picked up English as a toddler.  Or maybe it’s because I’ve always been a reader and a writer and my mastery of English linguistics allows me to pick up on other linguistic rules easily.  Who knows?  I just know that I enjoy learning new languages as much as I enjoy writing, and that’s saying a lot.

More good news: my hiking and yoga routines have paid off and I easily fit in my maid of honor dress!  I no longer look like Sally Struthers trying to fit into her old Gloria wardrobe.  And there was MUCH rejoicing.  The dress is so effing gorgeous, the bride (my “baby” cousin Alyssa, who’s three weeks younger than I am) has impeccable taste.  She completely designed and created all the stuff for the wedding herself, and the dresses she picked for us are flawless.  Most bridesmaids dresses are totally hideous, or at the very least understated and plain so the bride can be the star.  Alyssa’s a genius, though: she put all of us in gorgeous dresses that totally complement her dress and the vintage Hollywood theme of the wedding, and it’s going to be stunning.  I’m so excited for her, she and her fiance are crazy in love and I’m so proud of them.  I’m a total cynic when it comes to marriage, but I know the two of them will be together forever.  They remind me of B & Pat: people who are so sweet and so deserving of each other.  For a generation that comes from broken homes and messed up marriages, my friends are doing a bang-up job of learning from their parents and being smart about being in love and making relationships work.  Mazel tov!

As for me, I’m still a Lost Boy.  I don’t want to grow up.  I don’t want to get married, at least not any time soon.  To be honest, I do want to have a wedding someday, absolutely.  I want a big enormous party with my big enormous family where we all dress up and get smashed and dance into the night.  But if I could get away with having just a reception without a ceremony, I TOTALLY would.   I absolutely want children someday, though, and my friend Matt pretty much laughed in my face when I suggested that I get knocked up without putting a ring on it.  Whyyyy?!  Why do I need a marriage license to make a baby?  Do not want!  He made an excellent pro-late marriage point, though: as long as I’m living in sin, the only question I’ll be pestered with is “when’s the big day?”  If we do get married, then we’ll start getting “when are you gonna start popping out a junior?”  DO.  NOT.  WANT.

I’m know I’m almost 25 and that’s a perfectly acceptable to age to get married and start a family.  But let’s be honest, I’m in no place to do either of those things.  I can barely manage a live-in boyfriend and two cats, let alone a husband and babies.  Barf.  Plus, as a husbandless, childless woman, I don’t feel bad at all about chasing my dreams and putting my career above everything else.  I moved to California with a dream and purpose, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make it happen.  And that’s no attitude for a wife or a mother to have.  So I’ll carry on being an impulsive, flexible, optimistically hard-working writer dedicated to making it happen, and I’ll settle down when I’m good and ready.

And to back me up, Jon Hamm agrees with me.  If Hamm says it, it must be so.  Sweet Jesus, if he’s not the closest thing to perfection I’ve seen, I don’t know what is.  Hilarious, smart, hardworking, phenomenal actor, progressive outlook on marriage, Liz Lemon’s dopey ex?  Um, yes please.  I want to go to there.

In my next blog, I’ll start praising and/or bitching the fall TV line-up.  Spoiler alert: The Event was crazy good, Nikita can kiss the fattest part of my ass, and when the fuck did Vampire Diaries become a legitimately good show?!

Tune du Jour: Do Re Mi by Kids In The Hall.  I was so obsessed with this particular sketch, it was the first thing I ever downloaded illegally.  Oh Kazaa, how I miss our days of pirating  files together.


3 thoughts on “Things Are HAPPENING.

  1. Neda Davarpanah

    Oh haaaaaai, Coley! I was just in the internet neighborhood and just happened to stumble upon this luverly blog of yours…(:

    Very funny! If you don’t become a famous writer, then I’m going to give up acting and superglue myself to the 19th century typewriter which is undoubtedly missing several keys that my mean future boss will make me and all the other interns write his love-notes to his mistress/secretary on while paying us waaaaaaaay less than minimum wage.

    Thank you and goodnight!

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