Coprophobes, jog on and read another blog post, this ain’t gunna be purty.

YOU GUYS.  The LHC is affecting my memory and causing me to make terrible choices.  …no, I’m not going to take responsibility for my actions, what kind of woman do you think I am?!  Anyway, shut it, I have to tell you about my afternoon.

I’ve been eagerly awaiting the Mad Mud Run of 2010, forming a team and trying to coordinate everything and just being generally psyched about it. It’s coming up in just over a month, and we’re all on board and ready to hit the dirt.  So, today was Day One of training!  I mean, it’s running four miles through mud and boot-camp obstacles, that’s not something you can just roll out of bed and do, you know?

So after work today, I laced up my Nikes, squirmed into a sports bra that is both too tight and still allows the girls to bounce around uncomfortably (note to self: buy new sports bra), slapped on my shades and hit the pavement.  The weather couldn’t be finer: high 70s, light clouds, fragrant breezes with the scent of orange blossoms in the air.  Should be a great run, right?

WRONG.

Okay, at this point, we have to Tarantino it a bit.  Nonlinear storytelling, FTW.

This week, I’ve restarted my healthy eating thing.  I’ve jumped around this year from “diet” to “diet,” not so much to lose weight but to help control my IBS/IBD/Crohn’s/”thanks Mom and Dad passing horrible genes to me” issues.  The best way I’ve found is to cut out all bad fats/oils/greases/processed foods.  So now it’s back to fresh fruits and veggies, lean meats and whole-grains.  But to kickstart the process, my doctor suggests drinking a cup of senna tea every day for a week to “flush the systems,” if you know what I mean.

Just in case you don’t, senna is a purgative substance that, in the first few days, gently but firmly coaxes a BM or two outta you.  After a while, though, your body recognizes its foe and immediately evacuates whatever’s hanging out in your colon.

Yeah, I warned you guys this post was gonna be poop heavy.

Back to the story.

So I’m running along the lake, rockin’ out to some CAKE (get off my nuts, guys, they’re a great band I swear it!).  The birds are chirping, an old guy on a scooter winked at me (true story), it was Shpadoinkle-Day adjacent.  AND THEN…I remembered I’d had a cup of senna tea this morning.  Well, not so much “remembered” as “was suddenly and painfully reminded by my cramping bowels.”  AWESOME.

Needless to say, it was an interesting run home.  Future generations will look back at the landmark case of Sprints vs. Squirts.  A precedent was set today, a precedent that I’m both proud of and grateful for.  Sprints, you win…this time.

The moral of this story: keep your jogging route within a five minute sprint of a crapper.

In writing news: Script Frenzy starts tomorrow.  Donnie doesn’t want to write a screenplay in a month anymore.  Very tempted to work on my own side project, but also very terrified since I’m a dialogue/character girl and Donnie’s the story/amazing plot guy.  Buuuuuut, it’s an adaptation of a Jonathan Coulton song (which I have his blessing on OMG SO AWESOME), so I can’t fuck it up too much, can I?  Oh wait, I can, and then I’ve both disappointed my favorite geek rocker and humiliated myself.  I’ll never work in this town again!

I bought this today:

It’s my first major DC purchase (sue me, I’ve been a Marvel girl all my life), so I’m excited.  Reviews to come.  Stay tuned!

Tune du Jour: Aquaman’s Lament by Mark Aaron James

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6 thoughts on “Coprophobes, jog on and read another blog post, this ain’t gunna be purty.

  1. Beave Persnouski

    ummmmmmmumumumum…while I find this HYSTERICAL, I still can one up it. I’ll say it one more time, if my misadventures make it into any of your writing, I’d appreciate a nickname 🙂

    1. bigenglish

      Holy shit. Of course the blog post that a famous recording artist (go with it, MAJ) sees is the one that was written in Pooptown USA. Well done, me.

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